feelings...this is a deep one.

I have a developing theory that in order to fully love, you can’t ever stop loving everyone you’ve ever loved in your whole life.  No I wasn't high when I came up with this...just hear me out.

That person you broke up with six monthes ago, lets face it, you just weren’t right for eachother.  But you never really stopped loving them, but you probably told yourself until you forgot about them that you didn't.  Sometimes we treat love like a light switch…"on" when we’re in that room, but when we move on to another room, we shut it off.  Telling your heart to love no longer is lying to it.  If you tell your heart not to love enough times, then it won't just turn on.  You can't "clap on, clap off" it like that terrible infomercial from the 90's.  Love doesn't work that way!

No wonder break ups are traumatizing.  It's like wear and tear on a knee for a runner. Except, the heart shows wear and tear by feeling less and less over time.  It’s working different, because you’re different.  You act differently, you subconsciously think differently, you probably even look different (or maybe that’s just me; after breakups I usually lose 5 lb’s and drastically color my hair).  You slowly limit your loving ability with every “failed” relationship...you know how "there's no crying in baseball!!"  Well, in my best Tom Hanks voice..."there's no failing in loving!!"  You lose a little of yourself everytime you say goodbye to someone.  We all do this, but after making sense of our emotional reactions, why do we keep doing it?

Stop losing out and make every relationship count.  See the time you spend with people as investments, whether it a love interest, your parent, your sibling, or a complete stranger.  When something goes wrong, you didn’t fail, it just wasn’t the right time, for you or for them.  There is no guilt or shame in playing a game and it not ending with rainbows and butterflies.  Secondly, genuinely continue to feel the love you’ve always felt for them.  Don’t let your pride get in the way and tell you you don't need them, love them, respect them, or miss them.  Give it your all, and every single time.  It's not your fault if their too emotionally immature to handle the way they feel towards you.  Know that you can love someone and not talk to them, date them, agree with them, or validate them.  There is no right or wrong when it comes to the feelings of the heart, sometimes it just “is”, and that is ok.  Stop lying to yourself, and lying to your heart, because it has never lied to you.

I think I belong in the 70's with my hippie love theories...I guess I just don't need the weed. :-)

The Folk Harpist.

I have this friend, and she’s absolutely insane in the membrane.  Some instances that proves she’s fruit loops: she once held me down (NOT kidding) and glued semi permanent eye lashes to my face, and oops, forgot to buy the remover.  “You must be beautiful on your birthday, Norsey!!!” Don’t worry, she went back after the fact, only to find the remover was discontinued.  It’s fine.  She once decided to smuggle a 50 lb pit bull into a cats only apartment building, furthermore, in a COUNTY that banned pit bulls altogether.  Yea, that too worked out great.  Otis now lives with her parents in New Jersey.  It’s also fine. 

Needless to say, either due to my boredom or love for drama, she currently lives with me.  Much to my sad surprise, I rarely see her.  She has an internship for some branch of the government and she works from 9-9...like, 6 days a week.  Ok, it’s fine.  But first of all, what kind of internship is this that she doesn’t usually make it home before 10?!!  The district is practically empty after 7.  But no, she still sits at her desk.  Hell, I don’t even know if she has a desk.  Does she have a cubicle?  Are her cubicle friends getting raped by the government, too? A little sketch if you ask me.  I may need to turn Harriet the Spy and crack this mystery.  But I’m not gonna lie, I’m legitimately afraid to uncover that she’s secretly selling crack or answers to a pimp in southeast.  Guess who has huge cash bills on her all the time? Erika does, but it’s fine.

She’s got six million ideas in any given minute….to learn 3 more languages, to pack up right now and go on a mission trip, literally, I’ve watched the lightbulb go on and the suitcase come out.  She decided she wanted to learn to play the keyboard, but instead used this keyboard to throw her clean clothes on top off...it's fine.

I come home the other day and next to her bed (yes we share a bed, and yes, we’re straight...it's a long story)  anyways, by our bed is a harp.  A fucking HARP.  It totally blew my mind.  I thought, “it can’t be,” but then I saw it….a spiral bound book entitled “Teach yourself the folk harp.”  FOLK HARP?!?!  Is this really happening?  What distinguishes a folk harp from a regular harp anyways?  By the picture on the book, (a hippie looking women playing said "folk" harp in a lush field, looking rather nymph-like…) I would assume that the folk harp requires a bit of dressing up like a fairy and taking yourself to such fields, and in between playing these "folk" pieces, I imagine the "folk" harpist picks dandelions and then makes herself a necklace.  I can’t make this shit up, this is really happening to me.  I suddenly feel lightheaded.  Erika now plays the "folk" harp.  In our room.  And It’s fine.